I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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