Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I could make wine with my vomit
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
