i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
