The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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