The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
