Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I see more hoeing in ur future
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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