How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
