did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
