Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
