my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
