Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
