It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
