its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize