the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
