By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
