The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
