no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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