Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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