i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
