It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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