Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
