I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
