from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
