Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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