All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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