my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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