It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
