What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
