Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
