we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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