grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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