I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize