I accidentally burped into my bong.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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