he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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