I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
