3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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