hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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