did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
