You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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