Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
