You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
