Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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