she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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