And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
