is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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