this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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