I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
