Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
