yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
