I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
