Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
