Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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