Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
