Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
