ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize