He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
