Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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