he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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