I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
And then he peed in my hair
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