Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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