You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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