I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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