Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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