you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
