Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
