O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
