Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
