I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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