I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
