That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
