The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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