There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
