...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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