toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My dad just said "fuck circus"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
