Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize