I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
