I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize