I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
