she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
