true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
