I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
