Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I faked an abortion last night.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
