where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
