But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
