I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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