happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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