thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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