There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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