o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Acid is not a monday night drug
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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