well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
FUCK WHALES
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
