my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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