i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
