She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
