Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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