Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
