honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
