In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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