I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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