yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
