All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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