Your face is a jimmy john
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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