FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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