What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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