So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize