Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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