Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
