I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
