I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
