i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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