I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
