But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
