Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
