my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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